This be us*:
C. Patrick, your host, has the greatest mohawk the world has ever known. Its majesty is so pronounced, it's hard to tell where the mohawk ends and the Dudeness begins. Together with his were-panther battle Llama, Black Rainbow Fire-Star, he rides through the galaxy searching for epic tales, fine grooves, and exotic drinks.
Sharon is a bird dancer by day, ninja-transformer superhero by night. Sharon most recently trained a pair of cyborg rats to perform the national anthem on a miniature banjo. During her missions she is guided by the all-seeing-eye in the sky, her partner, and maker of her cyborg enhancements, Joe. From his mission control center he leads Sharon on missions ranging from saving a hospital full of children from space-pirates or restocking the snack drawer with flaming hot Cheetos.
Jesse was part of a professional team of assassins called "Team Get Some", but quit due to severe political bias during mission selection. He now works as a groundhog rancher who DJ's in his free time. When not roping lil' doggies to utilize in his complex bong contraptions, he is on a secret personal mission to breed the most advanced groundhogs the world as ever seen to replace human assassins and corner the contract killer market.
Nathan was an accountant until he recently got fired for accidentally sharing a viral GIF containing a NSFW illustration of human-horse relations with his entire corporate mailbox. Primarily working at Starbucks now, he is planning revenge on his enemies in the world of capitalism. His plans vary greatly, but to date he has developed a modified Ponzi scheme to plunge the world into financial chaos and is currently attempting to trick some Chinese investors into cornering the world supply on marshmallow fluff.
*(...And this is what happens when you leave your browser window open and walk away from the computer for a few minutes)